CHAPTER 12. There was a moment of stunned silence

There was a moment of stunned silence.

“That’s impossible,” said Kiyo at last. “Unless you’re saying she should kill all those monarchs?”

“No need,” the old man replied.

“Even I know how it works,” I argued. “The only way to claim a land is if its previous monarch dies or grows too weak to hold it. Otherwise, they’re bound together. The monarch and the land are one.”

“Aren’t you listening?” he asked. “The crown changes that. The crown breaks that bond. Doesn’t matter how strong they are. No killing—unless you want to. The land is freed up, allowing you to seize it if you’re strong and ambitious enough, which, of course, you have to be even to possess the crown.”

Ambitious enough.

His words reminded me of our fight, when I’d nearly killed Kiyo in my rage. I stared down at the crown in disgust. “I don’t want it. I don’t want that kind of power. That was never my intention.”

The crown’s keeper now looked as baffled as Kiyo and I had been moments ago. “Then why did you come for it?”

“Eugenie,” said Kiyo uneasily. “I don’t think you should leave it. Regardless of what it truly does … well, the original plan still holds. You don’t actually have to use it. Just having it may still be enough to scare Katrice into peace—especially if she knows its true power.”

I lifted my eyes from the crown, staring off absentmindedly at the cave’s scorched walls. “Of course she knows. And so does Dorian. He’s known all along.”

It was a sign of Kiyo’s tact and self-control that he made no scathing remarks about Dorian.

“You have to take it,” exclaimed the old man, glancing back and forth between our faces. He seemed shocked and even offended that I was seriously considering leaving it. “You passed the test. No one who has done that has ever refused the crown.”

The sick feeling in my stomach grew. He knew. Dorian knew.

“You don’t have to use it,” reiterated Kiyo. “But Katrice won’t know that.”

“I was an idiot,” I murmured. “An idiot to think it was just a war prize. If I accept it … what happens if someone else takes it? If it’s stolen?” After experiencing so many attempts at rape, I was well aware of the extent of Otherworldly ambition.

“The crown will only work for its current owner,” said the caretaker. “It will only stay with the worthy. If it’s taken—or if you die—it will return here, and we will wait for the next challenger.”

“Hold on,” said Kiyo. “You just wait here all the time? How old are you?”

I didn’t wait for a response. I felt dizzy on my feet and so, so tired, both mentally and physically. I wanted to get out of this place. “Let’s go,” I said. “We’ll take the crown.”

The old man beamed. “Excellent. I look forward to hearing of your victories.”

I scowled and moved for the exit. This was hardly the situation for warm and fuzzy good-byes, so Kiyo and I simply left without any more conversation, though I could feel the caretaker’s gaze burning into my back. The trek out of the mountain was quiet as well and seemed to go much more quickly. The fire barriers were gone.

When we finally emerged, the light and air of that barren landscape seemed like the sweetest, most refreshing thing ever. Volusian and Deanna were exactly where we left them. Deanna’s expression lit up. Volusian’s didn’t ostensibly change, but I sensed definite dismay.

“You did it!” exclaimed Deanna. “Now you can help me and find out—”

“No,” I interrupted, heading straight to my horse. “Not now. We’re not dealing with that yet.”

Her pale eyes widened. “But you promised to—”

“Not yet,” I growled.

Something about my tone and look must have been pretty intimidating because she vanished without comment. I knew she’d be back, though. I glanced at Kiyo, who was already on his horse, face troubled.

“Think those snakes are regular residents or just part of the test?” I asked.

He glanced around, taking in the scattered holes in the ground. “I don’t think we can assume they’re gone.”

I made sure my pack was secure, the crown inside it. “Then let’s get out of here. We’re not stopping until we’re out of the unclaimed lands.”

Kiyo’s face was lined with worry. “Eugenie—”

But I was already urging my horse down the road, back in the direction we’d come. Our initial ride had been brisk but still energy-conserving. Now, I held nothing back. I let the horse run as fast as she could, half-suspecting she wanted out of this cursed place as much as I did. The speed and rush of air was almost enough to distract me from what had just happened and what was to come. Almost.

Kiyo easily kept up with my hard pace, and the speed made any conversation difficult. I lost track of time but had the sense of riding for hours as the sun moved across the sky. I fell into such a lull surrounded by the dreary landscape that crossing back into the Otherworld’s claimed regions was like a splash of water in the face. We’d emerged into the Honeysuckle Land and were suddenly surrounded by heat and color.

Kiyo slowed his horse down. “Eugenie, we have to stop.” When I didn’t react, he yelled more harshly, “Eugenie!”

It snapped me from my haze, and I slowed too, eventually bringing my horse to a halt. His trotted up to us.

“Eugenie, it’s almost night. We have to make camp here. We’ll be safe now that we’re out of that place.”

“Safe? I’m a war leader. This place isn’t on our side yet. They could have a lot of leverage if they found and captured me.”

“That’s just an excuse,” he said. “It won’t happen, and you can’t keep up this pace without rest. The horses certainly can’t either.”

I didn’t know much about animals, but Kiyo did. These two didn’t seem ostensibly exhausted, but they were breathing a bit more heavily than when we’d left. I petted the head of mine in apology. I didn’t want to stop, but Kiyo was right.

The lush and beautiful land provided any number of camping spots. The trick was finding a concealed one that kept us near the road. If we strayed too far, the Otherworld’s nature could very well shift us away to another location. And, despite his confident words, I think Kiyo did worry a little bit about the Thorn Queen being discovered in this kingdom. At least we had Volusian to keep watch.

We finally settled for a small glade that was almost impossible to see through the trees until you were right inside it. Not far away was a small lagoon edged in stones. I was filthy from the fight but didn’t have the energy to bathe fully and settled for washing my hands and face. Nonetheless, back in our camp—which really was just a place to sleep since we needed no fire here—Kiyo insisted on changing my bandages again.

“You tore more stitches in the lich fight,” he said with dismay. “We can keep the blood loss down, but you have to get this treated soon.”

I nodded without hearing him, my mind still wrapped around what I’d learned. Once he’d pulled my shirt back down, I turned and faced him. “Dorian knew, Kiyo. Dorian knew what this crown could do. That’s why he wanted it. I wouldn’t be surprised …” It killed me to say the next words. “I wouldn’t be surprised if he set it up from the beginning with Masthera.”

I again expected mockery from Kiyo, but his dark eyes were serious and full of sympathy. “I wouldn’t be surprised either. I’m sorry.”

It was true what I’d said in the cave: I was such an idiot. I should have listened to my initial instincts, the ones that said a battle prize wasn’t enough to end a war. A prize that could strip Katrice’s kingdom from her? Yeah. That would end a war, true, but Dorian should have told me. He should have told me what the crown’s real threat was.

And then you wouldn’t have done it, a voice in my head pointed out. I knew it was the truth. I wouldn’t have risked my life—or Kiyo’s—to come after some artifact that put me one step closer to being the conqueror everyone expected me to be.

“Dorian knew,” I repeated. “Dorian let me risk my life for this.”

Kiyo stayed silent for a few moments, staring off into the rapidly darkening trees around us. “You said he resisted at first, though. Until he realized I could go.”

“Was that an act, though?” I rested my forehead in my hands, doubting everything I’d come to believe about Dorian. I’d so, so wanted to trust him. “Did he pretend to be hesitant, knowing I’d be suspicious if he was aggressive?”

“For all his faults … I don’t know. He does care about you, Eugenie. I don’t think he’d carelessly throw you into danger. He might have seriously waited until he knew you could go in with backup.”

I sighed and lifted my head back up. “You’re giving an awful lot of credit to someone you hate.”

A small smile crossed Kiyo’s lips. “I don’t hate him, not exactly. I don’t trust him. I don’t like him. And … well, I certainly carry a grudge for his taking you from me.”

I narrowed my eyes, a spark of anger flaring up in me. “No one ‘took’ me. I’m not something you guys can just pass around!”

“Sorry, sorry,” he said hastily. “I didn’t mean it like that. I just mean that after we split up, it’s been hard seeing you with him. That’s petty jealousy, I admit it. But I also hate that his grand, brash action won you over and drove the final stake in our relationship.”

“His ‘grand, brash action?’ Do you mean killing Leith? I’ll never regret him doing that,” I said fiercely.

Despite how dark it was growing out here, I could see Kiyo’s eyes boring into me. “Do you mean that, Eugenie? Was your personal vengeance worth all the people who’ve died since then?”

I looked away. “He deserved it. You don’t understand.”

“I understand perfectly well what he did. And if I could have? I would have done a lot more than run a sword through him. Really, that was almost merciful compared to what he deserved. But the fallout …”

“I know.” I sighed again. “I know what I’ve caused, all the upheaval in this world.” A sudden odd thought occurred to me. “Maiwenn …”

Kiyo tensed, not following my jump in thoughts. “What about her?”

“Dorian knew that too! She knows what the crown does; I’m certain of it. That’s why he kept telling me not to let you talk to her!” I shot up, full of fury now. “Goddamnit! He played me. He’s always played me! It doesn’t matter if he loves me. It’s his nature. He can’t love without using it to his advantage. Goddamnit!” My cry rang out into the empty night as I paced irritably.

In seconds, Kiyo was up too, gripping me by my arms. “Hey, hey. Calm down. He may have tricked you, but he can’t make you do anything you don’t want to with the crown. You’re in control. No harm’s done.”

“No harm?” I exclaimed. “Kiyo, I almost killed you! Do you understand? Do you understand what I almost did? I lost control! How am I supposed to forgive myself for that?”

He drew me into his arms. “I forgive you for that, and that’s all you need to worry about. Don’t beat yourself up with the guilt.”

I clenched my fists. “The craziest part is that the fake-lich whatever guy thought what I did was a good thing. Me shoving my friends aside for power. That’s what the crown represents. That’s what I’ll become.”

“I won’t let you,” said Kiyo fiercely.

“It’s in my blood,” I said weakly. “I realize that now.”

“Maybe. I don’t know. I used to think … well, I used to think it was all just some easy decision you could make. ‘Do this, don’t do this.’ That was stupid of me. It’s more than that, this conflict in you. And I didn’t help—not in the way you needed. I will now—if you’ll let me.”

I peered up at him in confusion. “Why? After everything I’ve done?”

“Because I—” Kiyo cut himself off. I could hardly see him now, but the feel of his hands was warm on my skin. “Because it doesn’t matter. Because I screwed up. Because we never should have split up. I’ve been wanting to tell you something for a while. We should have—”

I broke away and stalked off across the glade. I couldn’t hear this. I couldn’t hear some proclamation of love, not when my heart was still broken over Dorian’s betrayal. I’d trusted him. I’d trusted him, despite all the evidence that he would go to great extremes for power. I’d thought love for me would be stronger than that ambition. I’d been wrong. Even if he loved me, his heart would always be split between me and his craving for power. It was his nature, just as my own nature was divided between human and gentry ways.

“I need to sleep, Kiyo,” I said roughly. “I can’t hear this right now.”

“But Eugenie—”

“Good night.” I turned my back to him—I knew he could see in the darkness—and curled up on the grass. It was hardly a comfortable bed, but compared to last night’s discomfort, this felt like heaven.

Kiyo said no more, and I eventually heard him settle down. Volusian had been put on watch, meaning neither Kiyo nor I had to stay awake. In my case, it didn’t matter. Sleep wouldn’t come no matter how much I willed it to. I stayed up most of the night, staring up at the clear sky and its glitter of stars. The Otherworld had the same constellations as the human world, which surely presented some sort of physics quandary, one I didn’t have time to think much about right now.

Dorian knew.

That crown. That fucking crown. Part of me wanted to go over to my bag, grab the crown, and throw it off into night, never to be seen again. What had the old man said? It’d return to its home? No harm done. No harm except the loss of my potential to steal Katrice’s land from her—hers and anyone else’s who opposed me.

Was that what Dorian had wanted? Would he have tried to convince me that it was the only way to win the war? And would I have believed it? Maybe. I’d been willing to risk a lot for peace by coming after the crown at all. Maybe that had just been the “gateway drug” in Dorian’s eventual plan for conquest.

In the end, it didn’t matter what his plan was. What mattered was that he’d betrayed me. I’d opened myself to him, loved him. That was over now.

It was that thought, that thought and the anger burning within me, that got me up and around early when dawn broke. Kiyo—who apparently had slept—instantly woke when he heard me stirring.

“Let me guess,” he said. “You didn’t sleep.”

“Nope.”

I took out some of the travel food from my bag, cringing when my fingers brushed against the crown. Kiyo stood up and stretched, then wandered off into the foliage. He returned several minutes later with some mangos in his arms.

“Supplement your breakfast,” he said, tossing me one. He leaned against a tree and bit into one of his own.

I nodded my thanks, but the fruit’s sweetness was lost on me. Nothing had any taste. I was distantly aware of Kiyo’s eyes on me but ignored them.

“What are you thinking?” he asked at last.

“How much I hate Dorian.”

“What are you going to do?”

This was something I’d thought about for a while, so I had a solid answer. “Go to him. Call him out. Pass him a note in class. Tell him it’s over—everything. Us. Our alliance.”

Kiyo’s eyebrows rose. “You might not want to be so hasty on that last one.”

“How can I be in a partnership with someone like that?” I exclaimed.

“You can be in business with people you don’t like. I wouldn’t throw away his military support in the middle of this mess.”

“I don’t need his help,” I said obstinately. “Especially if Katrice does call a truce over the crown.”

“And if she doesn’t?”

“I don’t know.” I stood up and rubbed my sticky hands on my jeans. Kiyo was the last person I expected to be having this discussion with. “What are you getting at? Should I forgive him? Let it all go and jump back into bed?”

“No. Absolutely not.” Kiyo walked over to me, almost mirroring our positions from last night when he’d been on the verge of telling me something romantic. Only, I’d since had more time to come to terms with my anger and could actually focus now on Kiyo, the concern in his eyes and the way his body always made mine feel. “But I don’t think Dorian will leave the war, no matter what else happens between you. And you should take that help.”

“I’m afraid …” Until those words came out of my mouth, I didn’t realize I meant them. “I’m afraid when I see him, when I talk to him … he’ll do it again. He’ll convince me of, I don’t know. Whatever his plan is. He’ll justify it and lure me back in.”

Kiyo cupped my face between his hands. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. You’re strong. And I’ll go with you, if you want.”

I looked up into Kiyo’s eyes, feeling lost in their depths and confused by what I saw in them. “I do want you to.”

Leaning down, he pulled me close and kissed me almost before I realized what had happened. There was heat in his lips, heat and hunger and that raw, animal passion that so defined him. My body pressed against his, and I was startled at the arousal that kiss ignited within me, me who twenty-four hours ago had been sworn and sealed to Dorian. Now, the desire within me was all for Kiyo, a desire that was probably equal parts revenge against Dorian, a resurgence of my feelings for Kiyo, and the simple lust triggered by being with anyone I found so attractive.

I pulled away from him, and it wasn’t easy. That kiss had consumed me, taken over my reasoning. I had a feeling I was seconds away from ripping his clothes off and throwing myself at him. Some annoyingly rational part of me kept saying I shouldn’t do that until I knew for sure if it’d be because I still cared about Kiyo or because I wanted to get back at Dorian.

“No, don’t. I can’t,” I said, taking a few steps away. “I’m not … I’m not ready….”

I knew he could tell that wasn’t exactly true. He’d be able to smell the desire on me, the pheromones and other physical signs that said I wanted him. But my head and heart? No, I wasn’t sure about that.

“Eugenie …” His voice was husky, every ounce of him radiating that dark, primal sexuality that had always drawn me in.

“I can’t,” I repeated. “Please … don’t do that again….”

I hurried off blindly, into the forest, ignoring the branches and leaves whipping against me. I didn’t have to go very far because something told me Kiyo wouldn’t follow. He’d leave me alone for now. I sank to the ground, leaning my head back against the smooth bark of a tree I didn’t recognize. My heart pounded in my chest, in turmoil from Kiyo’s advances.

I’d suspected he still cared, especially seeing as the breakup had been more my idea than his. He’d conceded its wisdom, true, but I’d always known he’d wished things could have been different. Hell, that made two of us. I exhaled and closed my eyes. What did I do with this? What did I do with Kiyo’s feelings? What did I do with my own feelings?

Because at the core of it all, my heart was still raging over Dorian. I’d meant what I said to Kiyo: I was indeed going to go back and tell Dorian we were over. I’d been disappointed in Kiyo—still was, a little—over his not taking direct action against Leith. Yet, as much as that had hurt me, Kiyo had been blunt and open about his reasons for it. That was better than someone telling you pretty lies. Pretty lies. Dorian was full of them—and not just about the crown. Suddenly, I found myself questioning why he’d even suggested Kiyo come along on this quest, rather than Jasmine. Maybe Dorian had thought this would be a convenient way to get rid of someone he’d always seen as a potential rival.

I didn’t know. The only thing I was certain of was that I was getting more and more worked up as I sat there. A faint splash startled me out of my emotional maelstrom, and I opened my eyes. No cry of alarm had come from Volusian back at camp, and a moment later, I realized what was going on. Rising, I headed over toward the pool in the glade’s heart.

Sure enough, I found Kiyo swimming laps back and forth. The lagoon was crystal clear, sparkling in the morning sunlight, and it sang to my magical senses. I wondered if he was there to clean off yesterday’s battle or to work out his frustration over me. Judging from the lines on his face—maybe both. I watched him for a minute, knowing opportunities to catch him unaware were rare. The water and his mood had distracted him; he normally would have smelled and heard an observer. After a little while longer, I made my decision. I began taking off my clothes. Kiyo turned and noticed me just as I slipped into the water, easing myself down the stone edge.

“Eugenie … what are you doing? You’re soaking your bandages.”

I swam over to him, on the pool’s far side. “I’m here naked with you, and that’s your biggest concern?”

He eyed me carefully. “Well, that was our last batch of them.”

I put my hands on his chest. “We’ll be home soon.”

When I brought my lips to his, joining us in a deep kiss, I felt the same response as earlier. He answered me hungrily, arms wrapping around my waist as we pressed together. Now, however, it was Kiyo who broke us apart—despite the arousal in his eyes. I had a feeling there was a human versus animal war going on within him.

“Wait,” he said. “Earlier … you told me you couldn’t …”

“I changed my mind. I can do this,” I said. “Does it need to be more than that right now?” I was still going to tell Dorian I was done with him, but I didn’t need to for this. I had mentally broken up with him. I was free to do whatever I wanted. I moved toward Kiyo again, slowly walking us toward the water’s edge. Our top halves emerged, the morning air slightly chill against my wet skin.

“I don’t trust why you’re doing this,” said Kiyo. But when I drew him closer, he didn’t pull back. “I think you’re getting back at Dorian.”

I kissed him hard, cutting off whatever logical arguments he might attempt. “Maybe I am,” I said at last. He was gasping, a little surprised at the intensity. I felt empowered, filled with lust for Kiyo and—yes—anger at Dorian. “But you’re the one I’m doing it with. Doesn’t that mean something?”

There was a pause as Kiyo’s dark, smoky eyes studied me intensely. “Yes.” With one swift motion, he turned me around, pushing his body against mine. “It does. This is how it should have been anyway.” I caught my breath as he kissed my neck, teeth grazing my skin. “And I’ll take back what’s mine.”

My body burned, both at his touch and the dangerous tone in his voice. Then, the full meaning of his words hit me. I started to turn around but his hands were on me, pinning me against the ledge surrounding the water. “Hey, I’m not yours,” I growled. “I thought I made that clear.”

“You’re right,” he said. “But you’re not his either. Not anymore. You never should have been. We never should have been apart. And if you want this—if you want to do this—you have to tell me you feel something for me. I can’t believe this is just simple revenge sex.”

“Kiyo—”

The hands that held me slid forward to my breasts, the roughness of his touch sending shockwaves through my body. “Tell me,” he breathed against my ear, his hands sliding along my stomach and down between my thighs. “Tell me you still feel something for me.”

His body closed the miniscule space left between us, pushing me right to stone. I felt him hard and ready. “I …” I closed my eyes, lost in the way his hands touched me and stoked the sexual tension that had been building between us for days. What did I feel? For a moment, I was conflicted. Maybe this wasn’t right. Maybe I did need to end things formally with Dorian before letting my emotions run away with me. “I …”

“Yes?”

He bent me over, hands gripping my waist, and suddenly, he was sliding into me, a low groan escaping his lips as he filled me up. I gave a small cry at the unexpected act, one that turned into a moan of pleasure as he began to move in and out of me.

“Tell me there’s still something, anything …” he grunted. “If not, I’ll stop and let this go. Just say it.” “I …”

Again, I couldn’t summon the words. This time, it was simply because I was too lost in how he felt. I’d forgotten what it was like with him, the way he’d always loved to take me from behind, driven by the animal instinct within him. There was more than that to him, though. Images flashed through me, the way he’d fought by my side, the compassion when he’d seen how hurt I was over Dorian’s deception.

“Tell me,” he said again, a savage and hungry note in his voice. “Tell me you want me; tell me there’s still something between us. That you don’t want me to stop.”

He felt so good, so strong and hard. “No …”

“No what?”

“No … don’t stop … there is … of course there’s still something….”

I meant it. And with that, the animal within him was unleashed. I screamed as he gave me the full force of his body, my arms pushing hard to keep me from being shoved against the ledge. The sound of our bodies slapping together echoed around us as he thrust tirelessly, taking me over and over as he reclaimed my body.

“I’ve missed you, Eug,” he managed to say. “Missed having sex with you. Missed making love to you. But especially … especially missed fucking you.”

His words were punctuated with a particularly sharp thrust, one that took me hard and deep as he bent me over more. I screamed again, but it was out of ecstasy, not pain. Kiyo had always been able to make me come this way, and now was no exception. I felt the nerves of my body explode, every part of me shaking. Still he kept moving in me with that primal need, pushing me into sensory overload. He’d given up on words, simply making small grunts as our bodies connected.

At last his body reached its breaking point, giving me the hardest thrusts he was capable of as his climax hit. He held me tight, my body there to fulfill his need as he came in me, groaning and spasming until he’d finally given me all he had.

He pulled out, and I turned around, my own breath shallow and rapid. “That … maybe we shouldn’t have done that …”

Kiyo put an arm around my waist and pulled me to him. His lips grazed mine. “You sound like a guy the morning after. You’re the one who attacked me, remember?”

“True,” I admitted. With my lust sated, I was feeling slightly more coherent. But only barely. His naked body was still right against mine, and that was distracting.

“Give me a few more minutes,” he murmured. “A few more minutes and we can do it again …”

“We’re probably just creating more problems.”

He kissed my neck. “What’s one more problem among all the others we have? One more time, Eugenie. I’ve missed you so much. Let’s do this just one more time.”

I could feel that he was indeed almost ready again. I lifted one of my legs up, half-wrapping it around him as my body decided it was ready again too. “And then what?”

“Then?” Kiyo’s mouth moved toward mine. “Then we go see Dorian.”

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