D. An Arranged Marriage

I: How old were you when you met your husband, Raj?

R: Mm.... I was erm, sixteen.

I: And what were you doing at the time?

R: Oh I was at home. I had left school, and I was having pri­vate tuition actually, at home, to prepare me for my exams.

I: And your father arranged your marriage, is that right?

R: Yes, that's right.

I: Could you tell me how he did that?

R: Yes. He looked around for a suitable husband. He asked friends and relatives if they knew anybody, and found out about their education, their background, and most importantly, the family's background. He got all the infor­mation about them, you know.

I: And did this take-a long time?

R: In my case, no, but it depends you see, erm... sometimes a father can see up to a hundred men before he chooses one. My elder sister... for my elder sister my father saw over a hundred men. You know, sometimes it can be diffi­cult to decide. But for my brother he saw only one girl.

I: And for you?

R: He saw only two, one in the morning and one in the eve­ning, and err... he chose the second one.

I: My goodness! Tell me about that day.

R: Yes... well, in the morning the first man came. He was very wealthy, but err... not very well educated, but he had a lot of money. And he was well-dressed, and he had very good manners.

I: And the other one?

R: He wasn't terribly wealthy, but he was well-educated, and he came from a good background. His families owned a village, and were like princes. And all his relatives were suitable. He was twenty-two, and studying law.

I: And your father chose him?

R: Yes.

I: Why, do you know?

R: I think he thought that money wasn't everything. He didn't want the... you know, he didn't want the family money. Education was more important. If he's well-educated, he'll earn it later. Actually, Sham, that's my husband's name, didn't want to get married. He wanted to wait, but you know his father persuaded him. You know when he came to my house to meet my father; he was very badly dressed because he wanted my father to refuse him, and so he could say to his father "Look, they didn't like me". But luckily my father did like him and—erm — so he had to say "yes".

I: And did you meet him that day?

R: Yes. First my family spoke to him, and then they called me in, and we talked for four, four or five minutes. My father decided immediately.

I: And did you agree?

R: Of course. My father had decided.

I: And what happened next?

R: Well, after a certain time, there was a special day when I went to see his family and he came to see my family. It

was a sort of engagement party. But we — you know — we used to be on the phone every day, we'd see each other regularly, but never without a chaperon. We were married ten months later.

I: And how long have you been married?

R: Oh for twenty-two years now.

I: And... it's been a successful marriage? Have you been* pleased with your father's choice?

R: Oh... yes, of course.

I: Do you think that the system of arranged marriages is a good one? How common is this system of arranged mar­riages?

R: Well, most marriages in India are still arranged in this way, and generally it is a system that works. Of course it depends a lot on the family choosing the right person, but one reason it works is that the couple enter the marriage not expecting too much, if you see what I mean. Actually, there are many more divorces between couples who thought that they were marrying for love and who then find that it isn't there. Arran­ged marriages seem to last, and that is a good thing.

I: And is sixteen the age when girls get married?

R: It is usually sixteen or seventeen.

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