Chapter Twenty-Six. "Here," Casey said, handing Leslie a glass of wine

"Here," Casey said, handing Leslie a glass of wine. She was pleased that her hand didn't shake. She turned her back to her, leaning on the railing instead, looking out over the water. She liked it better when they were ignoring it. At least that way she didn't feel quite so school girlish.

She heard Leslie get out of the chair, felt her move up beside her. She mimicked her pose, resting her arms on the railing, staring out into the darkness.

"What's wrong? Are you nervous? Or embarrassed?" Leslie guessed.

Casey smiled. "Both, I guess. I've just committed the cardinal sin for lesbians."

"What's that?"

"Not only are you straight, you're also engaged. Double whammy."

Leslie tilted her head slightly as she watched her. "Oh, I get it. You assume you're the first woman I've been attracted to and I'm going through some freakish curiosity phase before I get married. Is that it?"

"Is that not it?"

"Don't you think I'm a bit old for a game like that?"

Casey turned to face her. "Are we going to talk in circles again? Or are we going to just talk?"

Leslie smiled. "Oh, now she's brave."

Casey nodded. "Let me start by telling you a story."

"How much wine do you have? Because I have a story too."

"You want to stay out here or go inside?"

"No, it's nice out. Tell me your story."

"Well, it's about the cardinal sin," she said. "I met this woman when I was in the Academy. We hit it off right away. Turns out she'd just broken up with her boyfriend. I should have run right then." Casey sipped from her wine, surprised that the memory of that time still smarted. She'd been so naive. She glanced at Leslie, still feeling very naive at thirty-three. "But I didn't run. I was infatuated with her. And she with me. And our affair lasted nearly a month. Until she went back with her boyfriend. She said her curiosity about having sex with a woman had been satisfied. And the fact was, her sleeping with another woman really turned her boyfriend on."

"Wow."

"Yeah. So you see, I've committed this sin before. I got involved with somebody I worked with, somebody with a boyfriend." She turned slowly, meeting her eyes. "And I don't want to do it again."

"I understand."

Leslie moved away, going to the other end of the deck, into the shadows. Casey waited as she rested a hip against the railing, watched as she took a sip of her wine. Now who was nervous?

"I was nineteen," Leslie said finally. "And I had this grand plan for my life. I thought it was grand because it was nothing like my mother's life had ended up. And I knew without a doubt I didn't want to be like my mother, one loser husband after another." She moved, coming closer again. "I would graduate college, get a good job, marry a nice man who would be good to me and live happily ever after. It seemed simple enough." She drank the last of her wine and set the glass on the railing beside her. "I didn't count on Carol Ann coming into my life."

Casey kept quiet, only moving to refill Leslie's wineglass.

"We were roommates in the dorm. And she was a lesbian. And I was totally and completely enamored by her." She took the wine, staring into the glass. "And the first time we kissed, I knew. It was so different than kisses I'd shared with boys. My body came alive." She smiled. "My body came alive, and I freaked out. It wasn't in my plans to fall for a woman." She moved again, back into the shadows. "It didn't matter. I couldn't resist her touch. But I couldn't allow myself to fall in love with her either. So each night when she came to me, when our touches grew bolder, when I simply ached with wanting her, I would turn her away. I couldn't let her do it. I saw my mother. And I remembered my plan. And Carol Ann wasn't in it. So I pushed her away."

Casey stared at her, trying to find her eyes in the shadows, wanting to see her face, but Leslie stayed hidden.

"I pushed her away. I pushed all those feelings away. And I went about my life. I never let myself get close to another woman. I had very few women friends. I couldn't take a chance. Then I met Michael and it seemed okay. It was good enough." She paused, staring out at the lake. "But it's not good enough," she said quietly. "I'm not in love with him. I've never been in love with him. I thought maybe it would come. He's good to me, and he thinks it's all good with us. So I thought...well, I thought I could be happy." She turned to Casey then. "I knew the first day I saw you, I knew that you would be the one to throw my plan into shambles," she said with a quiet laugh. "I knew I was attracted to you. But I ignored it. Until that night when you held me. I couldn't ignore it any longer."

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Leslie came out of the shadows, smiling. "Oh, God, Casey. So now you're going to feel guilty because you've come in and screwed up my plan?" Her hand moved between them, gently touching her arm. "Obviously, my plan was flawed," she said lightly. She dropped her hand, putting some space between them.

Casey didn't know what to say. Shocked by the story, yes. Should she be though? Wasn't there something about the way Leslie carried herself? Confident and sure. Never playing down a level like some women did whenever a man was around. She closed her eyes. There was still one problem with her story.

"You have a fiancé."

"Yes, I do." She walked past Casey to get the wine bottle. "For all of my complaining about him, he's really a nice, decent man. And he's going to be extremely hurt." She paused. "But what I said was the truth. I'm not in love with him. And this is going to hurt him badly." Instead of refilling her glass, she put the bottle down. "You're right. We have two problems. I have a fiancé, and you and I are partners." She took a deep breath. "And I'm very tired."

Casey nodded.

"I should go." She turned around, facing Casey. "Thank you. Thank you for talking," she said.

"Did we resolve anything?"

"No. I don't guess we did." She walked closer. "I just didn't want this distance between us. No matter what, we should be able to be friends, right?"

"Right."

"Good." She paused. "So, I'm going to go. It's late."

Casey stood there stupidly, wondering...what? But Leslie smiled sweetly and took the couple of steps necessary. Their hug should have been brief. At least, that's what she told herself. But when she felt Leslie slip into her arms, when her own arms closed around her, brief was the last thing on her mind. Long dormant feelings roared to life as they held each other, as they listened to their heartbeats, as their bodies melted together.

Leslie was the one who pulled away, her eyes dark, excited. She took a step back, but Casey felt her trembling. Or was it herself she felt?

"Friends?" Leslie murmured.

Casey nodded. "Friends."

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