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KIM BALDWIN. me.” Erin’s voice shook, and she lowered her eyes while she searched for the right words
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me.” Erin’s voice shook, and she lowered her eyes while she searched for the right words.
“When you came out to me, it started me wondering what it must be like to be gay. I’ve never been with a woman, and honestly, I…I’d never even really considered it before. But once you told me…Well, I started thinking about how I felt about you…and how it would be if you and I got together…You know…like that …”
It was the F rst time Gable had heard Erin stammer so, and she found it reassuring that the younger woman was apparently as nervous about all this as she was.
“Well, I found that mental picture awful damn hot, to put it bluntly,” Erin confessed.
“Yeah?” Gable was seeing it too, in her mind’s eye…and the image of the two of them together turned her arousal up another notch.
“And then I couldn’t stop thinking about it.” Erin laughed. “I swear, sometimes I thought you had to be able to see it in my face! I couldn’t keep my eyes off you!”
“Well, talk about dense!” Gable shook her head ruefully. “I thought you were looking at me an awful lot, the last few days especially. But I was just worried you were catching me looking at you!”
They laughed, then Erin’s face grew serious. “Gable, why didn’t you tell me how you felt?”
Gable managed a chagrined half smile. “I didn’t want anything to muck up our friendship. I was worried it would make you feel uncomfortable around me—knowing I was mooning over you. It was terrifying enough just to tell you I was gay! I was afraid coming out to you might change how you feel about me.”
“Well, it certainly did that,” Erin admitted, her cheeks pink. “But not quite the way you thought it might!”
Gable reached out and took Erin’s hand in hers, and they shared happy, silly grins.
“So why didn’t you tell me right away?” Gable asked.
“Well, I was really confused about all those feelings at F rst. It was sort of like traveling to a foreign country. Exciting, but awful scary.
You know that last time I went out with Tim? I did it because I thought maybe I should give that a real chance. That maybe my feelings for you were a phase or something. Did I really want to abandon the kind of life I knew…that was familiar…for something totally unfamiliar?”
• 158 •
FORCE OF NATURE
“I remember that night. You didn’t call me like you promised you would.” She looked down at their enjoined hands. Erin’s thumb lightly caressed her palm—Gable was amazed at how sensual such a simple touch could be.
“I knew right away that Tim wasn’t for me,” Erin said. “Once I’d considered how it would be with you …I knew I’d never be happy with him, and I didn’t want to lead him on. After he’d gone home, I started thinking about whether I should tell you how I was feeling.”
Gable didn’t interrupt. Erin’s thumb continued its gentle caresses as she spoke.
“I drove around a lot that night. I’ve always done that when I wanted to think.” She paused. “First I had to decide whether I could do this…I mean, it’s kind of a major deal to all of a sudden realize, at age thirty-nine, that you’re apparently gay, when you never have even thought about it before. It’s like someone secretly rewired me or something while I slept!”
They shared another silly grin. Gable thought the air around them seemed charged with electricity. I want to kiss you so much.
“Once I decided my feelings were too strong to ignore anymore, that I had to tell you,” Erin cleared her throat, “then I considered how you might react to the news. Would you be happy? I didn’t want to do anything to hurt our friendship, either.”
Gable squeezed Erin’s hand.
“Somewhere around three a.m., I guess, it occurred to me kind of out of the blue that maybe you felt something for me too. It was sort of like…looking back, I began to wonder if I hadn’t been missing clues that you’d been sending me. I caught you looking at me kind of funny sometimes. You were constantly blushing that day in the dressing room…and you really got embarrassed when you caught me falling off the ladder.”
“Well, I did often wonder how in the world you couldn’t see how much I was just longing to be with you,” Gable said.
“Were you? Are you?”
“Most deF nitely.” Gable nodded with enthusiasm, and Erin blushed again.
“Well, I’m very glad to hear that.”
“So, all this thinking you did…that was the morning you came over to my house real early, right?” Gable asked.
• 159 •
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