THE DANGER OF LYING IN BED

after Mark Twain

Last year I travelled twenty thousand miles, almost always by rail-me year before, I travelled over twenty-five thousand miles, half bv sea and half by rail; and the year before that I travelled about ten thous­and miles by rail. I suppose, if I added all the little journeys here and there, I may say I have travelled sixty thousand miles during the three years I have mentioned, and never had an accident.

I would say to myself every morning, "Now, I have managed to keep safe so far, and so there is a greater chance that I shall have an ac­cident this time. I will be wise,* and buy an accident ticket.** Then, when I have my accident, I shall be paid something." But I went to bed that night without one bone broken.

I got tired of that, and started buying accident tickets that lasted a month. I said to myself, "One of them must bring me some money."

But I was mistaken. I never got any money. I could read of rail­way accidents every day — the newspapers were full of them; but somehow they never happened to me. I found that I had spent a lot of money on accident tickets, and had nothing for it. I began to look around for somebody who had won money in this way. I found lots of people who had paid the money for a ticket, but not one who had ever had an accident or been paid anything.

I stopped buying accident tickets, and made a study of the problem. The result was very surprising. THE DANGER WAS NOT IN TRA­VELLING, BUT IN STAYING AT HOME.

Ex. 47. Use the following words and phrases in situations.

Safety First

to be in the habit of driving fast; to go at full speed; heavy traffic; not to slow down at the traffic lights; to break the traffic regulations; to run into a car; to strike (against); to meet with an accident; to be badly hurt; to find oneself in hospital.

On Packing

to be thinking of making a trip; to have one's suitcases ready; to do the packing; quite a job; to be in the habit of doing smth; to be good at smth; to take care not to leave anything behind; to have doubts; to make a poor job of smth; to have no system; to search about the place for smth; to empty the suit-case; to start over again; a waste of time; to strike smb (of an idea); to work out a system; to make out a list; to stick to smth in future.

Do-It-Yourself

to make up one's mind; to have one's room repaired; to be in high spirits; to remove the furniture; to start with the ceiling; to whitewash the ceiling; to throw dirt all over the place; not to like the look of smth; to give smth another coat of paint; to stick the paper to the wall; not to hold' to hang loose; to wonder; to think for a while; to make an effort; to put smth right; to make things still worse; to be upset; a waste of time and energy; to be at a loss; to invite a specialist; to deal with the repairs; to save smb a lot of trouble.

4. An Unexpected Visitor

to stay at home; to look forward to a quiet evening; suddenly; to hear the door bell; to wonder; not to expect anybody; to turn out; to be pleasantly surprised; without wasting a minute; to make coffee; to lay the table; to have a friendly chat; to tell funny stories; to pass quick­ly (about the time); a cheerful evening.

Take It Easy

to reach for smth; in the way; to remove a vase; accidentally; to drop; to break to pieces; to be very sorry; can't help doing smth; 'to calm smb; not to worry; to pick up smth; to stick the pieces together; to look whole again.

Ex. 48. Tell the story of each of the pictures.

Ex. 49. Subjects for oral and written composition:

1. Retell the story in the person of: a) Andrew Manson; b) Christine; c) Con Boland; d) Mrs. Boland; e) a next door neighbour who hap­pened to see the accident.

2. Give character-sketches of a) Con Boland; b) Mrs. Boland.

3. Give the reasons why Con Boland had decided: a) to reconstruct the car; b) to do the job himself.

4. Give a description of the car after its reconstruction.

5. Describe what Con Boland felt when the car started falling to pieces.

6. Explain why an accident of this kind usually makes people laugh.

7. Tell a story of a similar accident you have seen or read about.

8. The traffic problem in big cities.

9. The dangers of driving fast in big cities.

10. The quickest way to get about town.

11. Public transport services in your town.

12. Describe a trip by car.

Lesson Three

Text: "One Coat of White" by H A. Smith¹

Grammar: The Subjunctive Mood in Simple Sentences and Complex Sentences with Conditional Clauses

One Coat of White

Everybody knows by this time that we first met Lautisse on ship­board but few people know that in the beginning Betsy² and I had no idea who he was.

We were on the Queen Elizabeth,³ coming back from our first trip to Europe. It was on the second day that I ran into him sitting in a quiet corner on deck. He gave me a nasty look. I started to back away mum­bling an apology and then his expression changed.

"Wait!" he called out. "You are an American?"

His English was good, and he asked me if I had a moment to help him with a small problem. He wanted to know the name of some United States Senator⁴ for the ship's daily crossword puzzle. I sat down and puzzled over the thing. The definition was, "Senator who crosses a river." I thought of Senator Ford, but there were no Fords on the passenger list, and then I got it — Senator Bridges. There was a Miss Ethelyn Bridges on board.

I didn't see him until next day, just before lunch, when he came into the main lounge, caught me by the arm, and whispered "Look!" In his big hand he was holding a man's wallet made of pigskin. "The prize!" he said. "See what I've won! But for you, though, I would have never solved the puzzle. Come and have a cocktail with me."

I went with him to his state-room, and he got out a bottle of.brandy. He introduced himself as Monsieur Roland and kept thanking me for my help with the puzzle. Then he began asking me some questions about myself and my business, and I told him I sold oil-burners.

We sat there talking, and finally he asked me if I could keep a se­cret, and then he said, "I am Lautisse."

I told Betsy all about it, so after lunch we went up and talked to the ship's librarian, asked him a few innocent questions and then dropped the name of Lautisse. We were greatly impressed by what we heard. We found out that my new friend was probably the world's greatest living painter, that he had given up painting and was heard to say that he would never touch another brush as long as he lived.

Betsy talked me into sending a note to his cabin, asking him around for a drink.

Well, we got to be real friendly. He planned to spend a month in New York, and it was Betsy who suggested that he come up to our place for a weekend.

Lautisse arrived on the noon train Saturday and I met him at the station. We had promised him that we wouldn't invite any people in and that we wouldn't try to talk art to him. Driving out from the sta­tion I asked him if he wanted to do anything in particular, like play croquet or go for a swim or a walk in the woods, and he said that he just wanted to sit and relax. So we sat around all afternoon, and Lautisse looked at a ball game⁵ on television for about five minutes, and couldn't understand it, and I took him to my shop and showed him an oil-burner and he couldn't understand that either. Mostly we sat around and talked.

I was up at seven-thirty the next morning and when I was having breakfast I remembered a job I'd been putting off for some time. Our vegetable garden has a white fence which I built with my own hands five years ago.

That garden fence is my pride and joy, and now that it needed a fresh coat of paint, I wanted to do the job. I got out a bucket half full of white paint and a brush. While I was getting things ready, I heard footsteps and there stood Lautisse. I said I had been getting ready to paint the fence but now that he was up, I'd postpone it. He protested. I took up the brush but he seized it from my hand and said, "First, I show you!"

I'm no Tom Sawyer— I wasn't looking for anybody to paint that fence. I let him finish two sides of the post and then interrupted. "I'll take it from here," I said, reaching for the brush. "No, no!" he said, with an impatient wave of the brush. I argued with him but he wouldn't even look up from his work. 1 went back to the Sunday papers but every now and then I'd get up and go out and watch him for a couple of minutes. He spent three hours at it and finished the fence, all four sections of it. You should have seen him when he walked around the house to the terrace where I was sitting — he had paint all over him.

Some time during the afternoon he asked me if we were anywhere near Chappaqua, and I said it was the next town, and he wanted to know if we had ever heard of Gerston, the sculptor. We had heard of him, of course, and Lautisse said he had once known Gerston in Paris, and would it be possible to get in touch with him? I got Gerston on the telephone for him, but he talked in French, and I have no idea what the con­versation was about.

He went back to town on the 9.03 that evening and at the station shook my hand and said I was a fine fellow and that he hadn't enjoyed himself so much in years, and that he wanted Betsy and me to come to New York and have dinner with him some night.

We didn't hear anything from him or about him for ten days. Then the New York papers got hold of the story. In the interview which Lau­tisse gave there were a few lines about the weekend he had spent with Mr. and Mrs. Gregg.

The day after the story appeared a reporter and a photographer from one of the papers arrived at our place. Besides taking pictures of Betsy and me, as well as of the house, they asked for every single detail of the great man's visit, and Betsy told them of course about the garden fence. They took more pictures of the fence, the paint bucket and the brush and the next morning the paper had quite a story. The headline said: LAUTISSE PAINTS AGAIN.

It gave us a sort of funny feeling, all this publicity,⁶ but we didn't have much time to think about it. People started arriving in large num­bers. They all wanted my garden fence, because it had been painted by the great Lautisse.

"Look, gentlemen," I said. "I'm a businessman, I don't know any­thing about painting. I mean painting pictures. But I do know a thing or two about painting a fence. A mule could have held a paint brush in his teeth and done almost as good a job on that fence as Lautisse did."

In their turn they asked me if I knew that a single painting by Lau­tisse was worth as much as a quarter of a million dollars and whether I realized that my garden fence was a genuine Lautisse. I told them I'd make my decision in the next few days.

Those next few days were bedlam. We had to have the telephone disconnected — there were calls from all over the country. At least another dozen art galleries and museums sent people. By the end of the second day I was being offered twenty-five thousand. The next day fif­ty-When on the fourth day Gerston came in I immediately took up the subject of the fence. He advised me not to sell the fence yet — and let the Palmer Museum in New York exhibit it for several weeks. He also ex­plained what all the excitement was about. He said one reason was that Lautisse had never before used a bit of white paint.

The fence was taken to New York. I went down myself to have a look, and I couldn't keep from laughing when I saw my fence — it had a fence around it.

The exhibition was to end on a Saturday, and Gerston phoned that day and asked if I would meet him at the museum on Sunday.

He led me to the room where my fence had been exhibited, and I did get a shock when we walked in. The fence had been cut up into sec­tions.

"Don't get excited," said Gerston. "Let me show you something." He pointed to a word in black paint at the bottom corner. It took me a few seconds to recognise it. It was the signature of Lautisse.

"But... but I don't get it!" I stammered. "Why... what... where is he?"

"Lautisse sailed for home early this morning," said Gerston. "But last night he came over here, got down on his hands and knees, and signed each of the thirty sections. Now you've got something to sell."

And indeed I did have. Twenty-nine sections of the thirty sections ware sold within a month's time at 10,000 each. I kept the thirtieth, it's hanging now in our living-room.

After it was all over, I went to see Gerston.

"Lautisse was genuinely fond of you and Mrs. Gregg," he said. "He had no idea, when he painted your fence, that it would make such a noise. But when it did, he got a good laugh out of it. And it was his idea to have the fence cut into sections. Then he got down to work and signed each one."

NOTES

1. Smith, Henry Allen, a modern American writer

2. Betsy: the short for Elizabeth

3. the Queen Elizabeth: an ocean-going liner

4. Senator: a member of the Senate, the upper house in US Congress

5. ball game: here— baseball

6. publicity: зд известность

VOCABULARY

apologize vi извиняться to apologize to smb for smth; He aplologized for being late. apology n извинение; Phr. make (offer) an apology приносить извинение

nasty а неприятный, ужасный, отвратительный a nasty look (smell, taste, illness, fall, remark, behaviour, person, etc.); nasty weather; to be nasty to smb отвратительно вести себя по отношению к кому-л

puzzle vt озадачить, ставить в тупик to be puzzled at smth; His question puzzled me. Phr. puzzle over smth ломать себе голову над чем-л; puzzle out разгадать, отгадать (что-л); puzzle n вопрос, ставя­щий в тупик; загадка, головоломка His unexpected disappearance was a puzzle to everybody.

solve vt разрешать, решать (проблему, задачу и т.п.) to solve a problem (a puzzle, doubts, etc.); solution n разрешение, решение (про­блемы и т.п.) They found a good solution to the problem.

introduce vt 1. знакомить, представлять I introduced him to the guests. to introduce oneself представляться 2. вносить, предлагать (на рассмотрение); внедрять в производство и т.п. to introduce a plan (a project, an idea, etc.) for discussion; to introduce a new method (some changes, mechanization, automation, etc.) in one's work; introduction n 1. официальное знакомство, представление As master of the house I was expected to make the introductions; a letter of introduction реко­мендательное письмо 2. введение, внедрение With the introduction of the new method of work the production sped up. 3. предисловие (к книге и т.п.) an introduction to a book (a report, a speech, etc.); intro­ductory а вводный, вступительный; an introductory speech (lecture, chapter, article, etc.)

final а последний, заключительный, окончательный a final deci­sion (game, etc.); final results, etc.; finally adv наконец, в конце концов Не finally agreed to our suggestion.

impress vt производить впечатление, поражать How did the show impress you? impression n впечатление What are your impressions about (of) the trip? Phr. make a good (bad, great, strong, poor. etc.) impression on smb произвести сильное (слабое и т.п.) впечатление на кого-л; be under the impression of a story (a book, a film, etc.) на­ходиться под впечатлением рассказа (книги, фильма и т.п.); impress­ive а производящий глубокое впечатление, впечатляющий, вырази­тельный; an impressive speech (event, building, manner, appearance, etc.)

give up (gave, given) vt отказываться от (чего-л), бросать to give up hope (an attempt, one's idea, a habit, one's friends, music, etc.); to give up smoking (painting, reading, etc.)

suggest vt предлагать to suggest a plan (an idea, a trip, etc.); I sug­gest that he (should) give up this idea. Somebody suggested visiting the museum; suggestion n предложение At the suggestion of the secretary the meeting was postponed. Phr. make a suggestion внести, сделать предложение

fresh а свежий a fresh newspaper (tie, shirt, morning, etc.); fresh butter (bread, tea, air, paint, news, etc.)

postpone vt откладывать, отсрочивать to postpone a meeting (a trip, an exhibition, a visit, etc.) They agreed to postpone the discussion till a later date; postponement n отсрочка The clients agreed to the post­ponement of the delivery of the goods. Phr. make a postponement сде­лать отсрочку, отложить

patience а терпение You need a lot of patience to do the job properly. She has a lot of (no, etc.) patience with children. Phr. lose (one's) pa­tience (with smb) терять терпение, выходить из себя; try smb's patience испытывать чье-л терпение; (im)patient а (не)терпеливый to be (im)patient with smb

possible а возможный, вероятный a possible answer (solution, etc.); It is possible to do the translation in an hour. It is possible that he may come. Phr. as soon (quickly, much, etc.) as possible как можно скорее (быстрее, больше и т.п.); impossible а невозможный, невыполнимый It is impossible for you to solve the problem alone; possibility n 1. воз­можность, вероятность There is no possibility of a mistake (doubt, etc.) 2. pl. возможности, данные There are great possibilities in space flights.

besides prep кроме, помимо Besides English he knows French.

single а один, единственный; отдельный Не did not make a single mistake in the test. She told us every single detail of the incident.

detail n подробность, деталь an important (interesting, etc.) detail Phr. in detail подробно; go into details вдаваться в подробности

worth а стоящий, заслуживающий (внимания и т.п.) Не paid twice as much for the flowers as they were worth. The book is definitely worth reading. It's worth going there.

realize vt 1. понимать, осознавать, представлять себе to realize one's mistake (the danger, the importance of smth, the difficulty, etc.); He realized that the situation was difficult. 2. осуществлять, претво­рять в жизнь to realize a plan (an idea, one's wish, etc.)

connect vt соединять, связывать, сочетать This metro line will con­nect the new district with the centre of the town. I cannot connect these two things in my mind; disconnect vt разъединять (о телефоне, прово­дах и т.п.); connection n связь, соединение; (связующее) общее I see no (some, a close, a distant, etc.) connection between these two events. Phr. in connection with smth в связи с чем-л, по поводу чего-л, отно­сительно чего-л; in this connection в этой связи

offer vt предлагать, давать; выражать готовность (что-л сделать) to offer money (help, a cigarette, a seat, a job, etc.) to smb; He offered to pay for the tickets; offer n предложение

take up (took, taken) vt браться (за что-л); начать изучать (что-л) to take up music (painting, a foreign language, a job, etc.)

exhibit vt экспонировать, показывать, выставлять to exhibit pictures (cars, flowers, goods, etc.); exhibition n выставка, показ Phr. hold an exhibition проводить выставку, exhibit n экспонат

sign vt подписывать to sign a letter (a document, a form, a contract, an agreement, etc.); signature n подпись Не put his signature to the document.

within prep в, в пределах, внутри; в течение (не позже, чем) Не lives within a five minutes' walk from here. You should pay for the telephone within three days.

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