Make a pause here. Reflect on the scene that the author creates in your mind at the beginning of the story. What kind of family relationship is described ?

:
  1. A WORD ABOUT THE AUTHOR
  2. A WORD ABOUT THE AUTHOR
  3. About myself and my family
  4. Crime Scene Interpretation
  5. Crime Scene Processing Protocol
  6. Describe someone in your family who you really admire.
  7. Ethics of family relations
  8. Family as the key social structure
  9. Family patterns in the modern world
  10. Family: Perspectives
  11. Family; youth; marriage; non-traditional marriages; commune; polygamy; population policy of the state.
  12. Finish reading the first half of the story. Prepare to explain what exactly is happening to the teacher.

 

The ships daily newspaper lay just outside the door-sill. It was
a single sheet of glossy paper, with printing on just one side. Teddy picked it up and began to read it as he started slowly aft down the long passageway. From the opposite end, a huge, blond woman in a starched white uniform was coming toward him, carrying a vase of long-stemmed, red roses. As she passed Teddy, she put out her left hand and grazed the top of his head with it, saying, Somebody needs a haircut ! Teddy passively looked up from his newspaper, but the woman had passed, and he didnt look back. He went on reading. At the end of the passageway, before an enormous mural of Saint George and the Dragon over the staircase landing, he folded the ships newspaper into quarters and put it into his left hip pocket. He then climbed the broad, shallow, carpeted steps up to Main Deck, one flight up. He took two steps at a time, but slowly, holding on to the banister, putting his whole body into it, as if the act of climbing a flight of stairs was for him, as it is for many children, a moderately pleasurable end in itself. At the Main Deck landing, he went directly over to the Pursers desk, where a good-looking girl in naval uniform was presiding at the moment. She was stapling some mimeographed sheets of paper together.

Can you tell me what time that game starts today, please ? Teddy asked her.

I beg your pardon ?

Can you tell me what time that game starts today ?

The girl gave him a lipsticky smile. What game, honey ? she asked.

You know. That word game they had yesterday and the day before, where youre supposed to supply the missing words. Its mostly that you have to put everything in context.

The girl held off fitting three sheets of paper between the planes of her stapler. Oh, she said. Not till late afternoon, I believe. I believe its around four oclock. Isnt that a little over your head, dear ?

No, it isnt... Thank you, Teddy said, and started to leave.

Wait a minute, honey ! Whats your name ?

Theodore McArdle, Teddy said. "Whats yours ?

My name ? said the girl, smiling. My names Ensign Mathewson.

Teddy watched her press down on her stapler. I knew you were an ensign, he said. Im not sure, but I believe when somebody asks your name youre supposed to say your whole name. Jane Mathewson, or Phyllis Mathewson, or whatever the case may be.



Oh, really ?

As I say, I think so, Teddy said. Im not sure, though. It may be different if youre in uniform. Anyway, thank you for the information. Goodbye ! He turned and took the stairs up to the Promenade Deck, again two at a time, but this time as if in rather a hurry.

He found Booper, after some extensive looking, high up on the Sports Deck. She was in a sunny clearing a glade, almost between two deck-tennis courts that were not in use. In a squatting position, with the sun at her back and a light breeze riffling her silky, blond hair, she was busily piling twelve or fourteen shuffle-board discs into two tangent stacks, one for the black discs, one for the red. A very small boy, in a cotton sun suit, was standing close by, on her right, purely in an observers
capacity. Look ! Booper said commandingly to her brother as he approached. She sprawled forward and surrounded the two stacks of shuffleboard discs with her arms to show off her accomplishment, to isolate it from whatever else was aboard ship. Myron, she said hostilely, addressing her companion, youre making it all shadowy, so my brother cant see. Move your carcass. She shut her eyes and waited, with a cross-bearing grimace, till Myron moved.

Teddy stood over the two stacks of discs and looked down appraisingly at them. Thats very nice, he said. Very symmetrical.

This guy, Booper said, indicating Myron, never even heard of backgammon. They dont even have one.

Teddy glanced briefly, objectively, at Myron. Listen, he said to Booper. Wheres the camera ? Daddy wants it right away.

He doesnt even live in New York, Booper informed Teddy. And his fathers dead. He was killed in Korea. She turned to Myron. Wasnt he ? she demanded, but without waiting for a response. Now if his mother dies, hell be an orphan. He didnt even know that. She looked at Myron. Did you ?

Myron, non-committal, folded his arms.

Youre the stupidest person I ever met, Booper said to him. Youre the stupidest person in this ocean. Did you know that ?

He is not, Teddy said. You are not, Myron. H addressed his sister: Give me your attention a second. Wheres the camera ? I have to have it immediately. Where is it ?

Over there, Booper said, indicating no direction at all. She drew her two stacks of shuffleboard discs in closer to her. All I need now is two giants, she said. They could play backgammon till they got all tired and then they could climb up on that smokestack and throw these at everybody and kill them. he looked at Myron. They could kill your parents, he said to him knowledgeably. And if that didnt kill them, you know what you could do ? You could put some poison on some marshmallows and make them eat it.

The Leica was about ten feet away, next to the white railing that surrounded the Sports Deck. It lay in the drain gully, on its side. Teddy went over and picked it up by its strap and hung it around his neck. Then, immediately, he took it off. He took it over to Booper. Booper, do me a favor. You take it down, please, he said. Its ten oclock.
I have to write in my diary.

Im busy.

Mother wants to see you right away, anyway, Teddy said.

Youre a liar.

Im not a liar. She does, Teddy said. So please take this down with you when you go... Cmon, Booper.

Whats she want to see me for ? Booper demanded. I dont want to see her.She suddenly struck Myrons hand, which was in the act of picking off the top shuffleboard disc from the red stack. Hands off, she said.

Teddy hung the strap attached to the Leica around her neck. Im serious, now. Take this down to Daddy right away, and then Ill see you at the pool later on, he said. Ill meet you right at the pool at ten-thirty. Or right outside that place where you change your clothes. Be on time, now. Its way down on E Deck, dont forget, so leave yourself plenty of time. He turned, and left.

I hate you ! I hate everybody in this ocean ! Booper called after him.

Below the Sports Deck, on the broad, after end of the Sun Deck, uncompromisingly alfresco, were some seventy-five or more deck chairs, set up and aligned seven or eight rows deep, with aisles just wide enough for the deck steward to use without unavoidably tripping over the sunning passengers paraphernalia knitting bags, dust-jacketed novels, bottles of sun-tan lotion, cameras. The area was crowded when Teddy arrived. He started at the rearmost row and moved methodically, from row to row, stopping at each chair, whether or not it was occupied, to read the name placard on its arm. Only one or two of the reclining passengers spoke to him that is, made any of the commonplace pleasantries adults are sometimes prone to make to a ten-year-old boy who is single-mindedly looking for the chair that belongs to him. His youngness and single-mindedness were obvious enough, but perhaps his general demeanor altogether lacked, or had too little of, that sort of cute solemnity that many adults readily speak up, or down, to. His clothes may have had something to do with it, too. The hole in the shoulder of his T shirt was not a cute hole. The excess material in the seat of his seersucker shorts, the excess length of the shorts themselves, were not cute excesses.

The McArdles four deck chairs, cushioned and ready for occupancy, were situated in the middle of the second row from the front. Teddy sat down in one of them so that whether or not it was his intention no one was sitting directly on either side of him. He stretched out his bare, unsuntanned legs, feet together, on the leg rest, and, almost simultaneously, took a small, ten-cent notebook out of his right hip pocket. Then, with instantly one-pointed concentration, as if only he and the notebook existed no sunshine, no fellow passengers, no ship he began to turn the pages.

With the exception of a very few pencil notations, the entries in the notebook had apparently all been made with a ball-point pen. The handwriting itself was manuscript style, such as is currently being taught in American schools, instead of the old, Palmer method. It was legible without being pretty-pretty. The flow was what was remarkable about the handwriting. In no sense no mechanical sense, at any rate did the words and sentences look as though they had been written by a child.

Teddy gave considerable reading time to what looked like his most recent entry. It covered a little more than three pages:

 

Diary for October 27, 1952

Property of Theodore McArdle

412 A Deck

 

Appropriate and pleasant reward if finder promptly returns to Theodore McArdle.

See if you can find daddys army dog tags and wear them whenever possible. It wont kill you and he will like it.

Answer Professor Mandells letter when you get a chance and the patience. Ask him not to send me any more poetry books. I already have enough for 1 year anyway.
I am quite sick of it anyway. A man walks along the beach and unfortunately gets hit in the head by a coconut. His head unfortunately cracks open in two halves. Then his wife comes along the beach singing a song and sees the 2 halves and recognizes them and picks them up. She gets very sad of course and cries heart breakingly. That is exactly where I am tired of poetry. Supposing the lady just picks up the 2 halves and shouts into them very angrily "Stop that!" Do not mention this when you answer his letter, however. It is quite controversial and Mrs. Mandell is a poet besides.

Get Svens address in Elizabeth, New Jersey. It would be interesting to meet his wife, also his dog Lindy. However, I would not like to own a dog myself.

Write condolence letter to Dr. Wokawara about his nephritis. Get his new address from mother.

Try the sports deck for meditation tomorrow morning before breakfast but do not lose consciousness. Also do not lose consciousness in the dining room if that waiter drops that big spoon again. Daddy was quite furious.

Words and expressions to look up in library tomorrow when you return the books

nephritis

myriad

gift horse

cunning

triumvirate

Be nicer to librarian. Discuss some general things with him when he gets kittenish.

Teddy abruptly took out a small, bullet-shaped, ballpoint pen from the side pocket of his shorts, uncapped it, and began to write. He used his right thigh as a desk, instead of the chair arm:

Diary for October 28, 1952

Same address and reward as written on October26 and 27, 1952.

 

I wrote letters to the following persons after meditation this morning.

Dr. Wokawara

Professor Mandell

Professor Peet

Burgess Hake, Jr.

Roberta Hake

Sanford Hake

Grandma Hake

Mr. Graham

Professor Walton

I could have asked mother where daddys dog tags are but she would probably say I dont have to wear them. I know he has them with him because I saw him pack them.

Life is a gift horse in my opinion.

I think it is very tasteless of Professor Walton to criticize my parents. He wants people to be a certain way.

It will either happen today or February 14, 1958 when I am sixteen. It is ridiculous to mention even.

 

6. Read the story to the end and say what exactly the last entry to his diary means. Did it really happen to Teddy ? Does the author tell his readers about the boy`s fate directly ?

 

After making this last entry, Teddy continued to keep his attention on the page and his ball-point pen poised, as though there were more to come.

He apparently was unaware that he had a lone interested observer. About fifteen feet forwardship from the first row of deck chairs, and eighteen or twenty rather sun-blinding feet overhead, a young man was steadily watching him from the Sports Deck railing. This had been going on for some ten minutes. It was evident that the young man was now reaching some sort of decision, for he abruptly took his foot down from the railing. He stood for a moment, still looking in Teddys direction, then walked away, out of sight. Not a minute later, though, he turned up, obtrusively vertical, among the deck-chair ranks. He was about thirty,
or younger. He directly started to make his way down-aisle toward Teddys chair, casting distracting little shadows over the pages of peoples novels and stepping rather uninhibitedly (considering that his was the only standing, moving figure in sight) over knitting bags and other personal effects.

Teddy seemed oblivious of the fact that someone was standing at the foot of his chair or, for that matter, casting a shadow over his notebook. A few people in the row or two behind him, however, were more distractible. They looked up at the young man as, perhaps, only people in deck chairs can look up at someone. The young man had a kind of poise about him, though, that looked as though it might hold up indefinitely, with the very small proviso that he keep at least one hand in one pocket. Hello, there ! he said to Teddy.

Teddy looked up. Hello, he said. He partly closed his notebook, partly let it close by itself.

Mind if I sit down a minute ? the young man asked, with what seemed to be unlimited cordiality. This anybodys chair ?

Well, these four chairs belong to my family, Teddy said. But my parents arent up yet.

Not up ? On a day like this, the young man said. He had already lowered himself into the chair at Teddys right. The chairs were placed so close together that the arms touched. Thats sacrilege, he said. Absolute sacrilege. He stretched out his legs, which were unusually heavy at the thighs, almost like human bodies in themselves. He was dressed, for the most part, in Eastern seaboard regimentals: a turf haircut on top, run-down brogues on the bottom, with a somewhat mixed uniform in between buff-colored woolen socks, charcoal-gray trousers,
a button-down-collar shirt, no necktie, and a herringbone jacket that looked as though it had been properly aged in some of the more popular postgraduate seminars at Yale, or Harvard, or Princeton. Oh, God, what a divine day, he said appreciatively, squinting up at the sun. Im an absolute pawn when it comes to the weather. He crossed his heavy legs, at the ankles. As a matter of fact, Ive been known to take a perfectly normal rainy day as a personal insult. So this is absolute manna to me. Though his speaking voice was, in the usual connotation, well- bred, it carried considerably more than adequately, as though he had some sort of understanding with himself that anything he had to say would sound pretty much all right intelligent, literate, even amusing or stimulating either from Teddys vantage point or from that of the people in the row behind, if they were listening. He looked obliquely down at Teddy, and smiled. How are you and the weather ? he asked. His smile was not unpersonable, but it was social, or conversational, and related back, however indirectly, to his own ego. The weather ever bother you out of all sensible proportion ? he asked, smiling.

I dont take it too personal, if thats what you mean, Teddy said.

The young man laughed, letting his head go back. Wonderful, he said. My name, incidentally, is Bob Nicholson. I dont know if we quite got around to that in the gym. I know your name, of course.

Teddy shifted his weight over to one hip and stashed his notebook in the side pocket of his shorts.

I was watching you write from way up there, Nicholson said, narratively, pointing. Good Lord. You were working away like a little Trojan.

Teddy looked at him. I was writing something in my notebook.

Nicholson nodded, smiling. How was Europe ? he asked conversationally. Did you enjoy it ?

Yes, very much, thank you.

Where all did you go ?

Teddy suddenly reached forward and scratched the calf of his leg. Well, it would take me too much time to name all the places, because we took our car and drove fairly great distances. He sat back. My mother and I were mostly in Edinburgh, Scotland, and Oxford, England, though. I think I told you in the gym I had to be interviewed at both those places. Mostly the University of Edinburgh.

No, I dont believe you did, Nicholson said. I was wondering if youd done anything like that. Howd it go ? They grill you ?

I beg your pardon ? Teddy said.

Howd it go ? Was it interesting ?

At times, yes. At times, no, Teddy said. We stayed a little bit too long. My father wanted to get back to New York a little sooner than this ship. But some people were coming over from Stockholm, Sweden, and Innsbruck, Austria, to meet me, and we had to wait around.

Its always that way.

Teddy looked at him directly for the first time. Are you a poet ? he asked.

A poet ? Nicholson said. Lord, no. Alas, no. Why do you ask ?

I dont know. Poets are always taking the weather so personally. Theyre always sticking their emotions in things that have no emotions.

Nicholson, smiling, reached into his jacket pocket and took out cigarettes and matches. I rather thought that was their stock in trade, he said. Arent emotions what poets are primarily concerned with ?

Teddy apparently didnt hear him, or wasnt listening. He was looking abstractedly toward, or over, the twin smokestacks up on the Sports Deck.

Nicholson got his cigarette lit, with some difficulty, for there was
a light breeze blowing from the north. He sat back, and said, "I understand you left a pretty disturbed bunch

Nothing in the voice of the cicada intimates how soon it will die, Teddy said suddenly. Along this road goes no one, this autumn eve.

What was that ? Nicholson asked, smiling. Say that again.

Those are two Japanese poems. Theyre not full of a lot of emotional stuff, Teddy said. He sat forward abruptly, tilted his head to the right, and gave his right ear a light clap with his hand. I still have some water in my ear from my swimming lesson yesterday, he said. He gave his ear another couple of claps, then sat back, putting his arms up on both armrests. It was, of course, a normal, adult-size deck chair, and he looked distinctly small in it, but at the same time, he looked perfectly relaxed, even serene.

I understand you left a pretty disturbed bunch of pedants up at Boston, Nicholson said, watching him. After that last little set-to. The whole Leidekker examining group, more or less, the way I understand it. I believe I told you I had rather a long chat with Al Babcock last June. Same night, as a matter of fact, I heard your tape played off.

Yes, you did. You told me.

I understand they were a pretty disturbed bunch, Nicholson pressed. From what Al told me, you all had quite a little lethal bull session late one night the same night you made that tape, I believe. He took a drag on his cigarette. From what I gather, you made some little predictions that disturbed the boys no end. Is that right ?

I wish I knew why people think its so important to be emotional, Teddy said. My mother and father dont think a persons human unless he thinks a lot of things are very sad or very annoying or very-very unjust, sort of. My father gets very emotional even when he reads the newspaper. He thinks Im inhuman.

Nicholson flicked his cigarette ash off to one side. I take it you have no emotions ? he said.

Teddy reflected before answering. If I do, I dont remember when I ever used them, he said. I dont see what theyre good for.

You love God, dont you ? Nicholson asked, with a little excess of quietness. Isnt that your forte, so to speak ? From what I heard on that tape and from what Al Babcock

Yes, sure, I love Him. But I dont love Him sentimentally. He never said anybody had to love Him sentimentally, Teddy said. If I were God, I certainly wouldnt want people to love me sentimentally. Its too unreliable.

You love your parents, dont you ?

Yes, I do very much, Teddy said, but you want to make me use that word to mean what you want it to mean I can tell.

All right. In what sense do you want to use it ?

Teddy thought it over. You know what the word affinity means ? he asked, turning to Nicholson.

I have a rough idea, Nicholson said dryly.

I have a very strong affinity for them. Theyre my parents, I mean, and were all part of each others harmony and everything," Teddy said. "I want them to have a nice time while theyre alive, because they like having a nice time... But they dont love me and Booper thats my sisterthat way. I mean they dont seem able to love us just the way we are. They dont seem able to love us unless they can keep changing us
a little bit. They love their reasons for loving us almost as much as they love us, and most of the time more. Its not so good, that way. He turned toward Nicholson again, sitting slightly forward. Do you have the time, please ? he asked. I have a swimming lesson at ten-thirty.

You have time, Nicholson said without first looking at his wrist watch. He pushed back his cuff. Its just ten after ten, he said.

Thank you, Teddy said, and sat back. We can enjoy our conversation for about ten more minutes.

Nicholson let one leg drop over the side of the deck chair, leaned forward, and stepped on his cigarette end. As I understand it, he said, sitting back, you hold pretty firmly to the Vedantic theory of reincarnation.

It isnt a theory, its as much a part

All right, Nicholson said quickly. He smiled, and gently raised the flats of his hands, in a sort of ironic benediction. We wont argue that point, for the moment. Let me finish. He crossed his heavy, outstretched legs again. From what I gather, youve acquired certain information, through meditation, thats given you some conviction that in your last incarnation you were a holy man in India, but more or less fell from Grace

I wasnt a holy man, Teddy said. I was just a person making very nice spiritual advancement.

All right whatever it was, Nicholson said. But the point is you feel that in your last incarnation you more or less fell from Grace before final Illumination. Is that right, or am I

Thats right, Teddy said. I met a lady, and I sort of stopped meditating. He took his arms down from the armrests, and tucked his hands, as if to keep them warm, under his thighs. I would have had to take another body and come back to earth again anyway I mean I wasnt so spiritually advanced that I could have died, if I hadnt met that lady, and then gone straight to Brahma and never again have to come back to earth. But I wouldnt have had to get incarnated in an American body if I hadnt met that lady. I mean its very hard to meditate and live a spiritual life in America. People think youre a freak if you try to. My father thinks Im a freak, in a way. And my mother well, she doesnt think its good for me to think about God all the time. She thinks its bad for my health.

Nicholson was looking at him, studying him. I believe you said on that last tape that you were six when you first had a mystical experience. Is that right ?

I was six when I saw that everything was God, and my hair stood up, and all that, Teddy said. It was on a Sunday, I remember. My sister was only a very tiny child then, and she was drinking her milk, and all of a sudden I saw that she was God and the milk was God. I mean, all she was doing was pouring God into God, if you know what I mean.

Nicholson didnt say anything.

But I could get out of the finite dimensions fairly often when I was four, Teddy said, as an afterthought. Not continuously or anything, but fairly often.

Nicholson nodded. You did ? he said. You could ?

Yes, Teddy said. That was on the tape... Or maybe it was on the one I made last April. Im not sure.

Nicholson took out his cigarettes again, but without taking his eyes off Teddy. How does one get out of the finite dimensions ? he asked, and gave a short laugh. I mean, to begin very basically, a block of wood is a block of wood, for example. It has length, width

It hasnt. Thats where youre wrong, Teddy said. Everybody just thinks things keep stopping off somewhere. They dont. Thats what I was trying to tell Professor Peet. He shifted in his seat and took out an eyesore of a handkerchief a gray, wadded entity and blew his nose. The reason things seem to stop off somewhere is because thats the only way most people know how to look at things, he said. But that doesnt mean they do. He put away his handkerchief, and looked at Nicholson. Would you hold up your arm a second, please ? he asked.

My arm ? Why ?

Just do it. Just do it a second.

Nicholson raised his forearm an inch or two above the level of the armrest. This one ? he asked.

Teddy nodded. What do you call that ? he asked.

What do you mean ? Its my arm. Its an arm.

How do you know it is ? Teddy asked. You know its called an arm, but how do you know it is one ? Do you have any proof that its an arm ?

Nicholson took a cigarette out of his pack, and lit it I think that smacks of the worst kind of sophistry, frankly, he said, exhaling smoke. Its an arm, for heavens sake, because its an arm. In the first place, it has to have a name to distinguish it from other objects. I mean you cant simply

Youre just being logical, Teddy said to him impassively.

Im just being what ? Nicholson asked, with a little excess of politeness.

Logical. Youre just giving me a regular, intelligent answer, Teddy said. I was trying to help you. You asked me how I get out of the finite dimensions when I feel like it. I certainly dont use logic when I do it. Logics the first thing you have to get rid of.

Nicholson removed a flake of tobacco from his tongue with his fingers.

You know Adam ? Teddy asked him.

Do I know who ?

Adam. In the Bible.

Nicholson smiled. Not personally, he said dryly.

Teddy hesitated. Dont be angry with me, he said. You asked me a question, and Im

Im not angry with you, for heavens sake.

Okay, Teddy said. He was sitting back in his chair, but his head was turned toward Nicholson. You know that apple Adam ate in the Garden of Eden, referred to in the Bible ? he asked. You know what was in that apple ? Logic. Logic and intellectual stuff. That was all that was in it. So this is my point what you have to do is vomit it up if you want to see things as they really are. I mean if you vomit it up, then you wont have any more trouble with blocks of wood and stuff. You wont see everything stopping off all the time. And youll know what your arm really is, if youre interested. Do you know what I mean ? Do you follow me ?

I follow you, Nicholson said, rather shortly.

The trouble is, Teddy said, most people dont want to see things the way they are. They dont even want to stop getting born and dying all the time. They just want new bodies all the time, instead of stopping and staying with God, where its really nice. He reflected. I never saw such a bunch of apple-eaters, he said. He shook his head.

At that moment, a white-coated deck steward, who was making his rounds within the area, stopped in front of Teddy and Nicholson and asked them if they would care to have morning broth. Nicholson didnt respond to the question at all. Teddy said, No, thank you, and the deck steward passed them by.

If youd rather not discuss this, you dont have to, Nicholson said abruptly, and rather brusquely. He flicked his cigarette ash. But is it true, or isnt it, that you informed the whole Leidekker examining bunch Walton, Peet, Larsen, Samuels, and that bunch when and where and how they would eventually die ? Is that true, or isnt it ? You dont have to discuss it if you dont want to, but the way the rumor around Boston

No, it is not true, Teddy said with emphasis. I told them places, and times, when they should be very, very careful. And I told them certain things it might be a good idea for them to do... But I didnt say anything like that. I didnt say anything was inevitable, that way." He took out his handkerchief again and used it. Nicholson waited, watching him. And I didnt tell Professor Peet anything like that at all. Firstly, he wasnt one of the ones who were kidding around and asking me a bunch of questions. I mean all I told Professor Peet was that he shouldnt be a teacher any more after January thats all I told him. Teddy, sitting back, was silent a moment. All those other professors, they practically forced me to tell them all that stuff. It was after we were all finished with the interview and making that tape, and it was quite late, and they all kept sitting around smoking cigarettes and getting very kittenish.

But you didnt tell Walton, or Larsen, for example, when or where or how death would eventually come ? Nicholson pressed.

No. I did not, Teddy said firmly. I wouldnt have told them any of that stuff, but they kept talking about it. Professor Walton sort of started it. He said he really wished he knew when he was going to die, because then hed know what work he should do and what work he shouldnt do, and how to use his time to his best advantage, and all like that. And then they all said that... So I told them a little bit.

Nicholson didnt say anything.

I didnt tell them when they were actually going to die, though. Thats a very false rumor, Teddy said. I could have, but I knew that in their hearts they really didnt want to know. I mean I knew that even though they teach Religion and Philosophy and all, theyre still pretty afraid to die. Teddy sat, or reclined, in silence for a minute. Its so silly, he said. All you do is get the heck out of your body when you die. My gosh, everybodys done it thousands and thousands of times. Just because they dont remember it doesnt mean they havent done it. Its so silly.

That may be. That may be, Nicholson said. "But the logical fact remains that no matter how intelligently

Its so silly, Teddy said again. For example, I have a swimming lesson in about five minutes. I could go downstairs to the pool, and there might not be any water in it. This might be the day they change the water or something. What might happen, though, I might walk up to the edge of it, just to have a look at the bottom, for instance, and my sister might come up and sort of push me in. I could fracture my skull and die instantaneously. Teddy looked at Nicholson. That could happen, he said. My sisters only six, and she hasnt been a human being for very many lives, and she doesnt like me very much. That could happen, all right. What would be so tragic about it, though ? Whats there to be afraid of, I mean ? Id just be doing what I was supposed to do, thats all, wouldnt I ?

Nicholson snorted mildly. It might not be a tragedy from your point of view, but it would certainly be a sad event for your mother and dad, he said. Ever consider that ?

Yes, of course, I have, Teddy said. But thats only because they have names and emotions for everything that happens. He had been keeping his hands tucked under his legs again. He took them out now, put his arms up on the armrests, and looked at Nicholson. You know Sven ? The man that takes care of the gym ? he asked. He waited till he got a nod from Nicholson. Well, if Sven dreamed tonight that his dog died, hed have a very, very bad nights sleep, because hes very fond of that dog. But when he woke up in the morning, everything would be all right. Hed know it was only a dream.

Nicholson nodded. Whats the point, exactly ?

The point is if his dog really died, it would be exactly the same thing. Only, he wouldnt know it. I mean he wouldnt wake up till he died himself.

Nicholson, looking detached, was using his right hand to give himself a slow, sensuous massage at the back of the neck. His left hand, motionless on the armrest, with a fresh, unlighted cigarette between the fingers, looked oddly white and inorganic in the brilliant sunlight.

Teddy suddenly got up. I really have to go now, Im afraid, he said. He sat down, tentatively, on the extended leg attachment of his chair, facing Nicholson, and tucked in his T shirt. I have about one and a half minutes, I guess, to get to my swimming lesson, he said. Its all the way down on E Deck.

May I ask why you told Professor Peet he should stop teaching after the first of the year ? Nicholson asked, rather bluntly. I know Bob Peet. Thats why I ask.

Teddy tightened his alligator belt. Only because hes quite spiritual, and hes teaching a lot of stuff right now that isnt very good for him if he wants to make any real spiritual advancement. It stimulates him too much. Its time for him to take everything out of his head, instead of putting more stuff in. He could get rid of a lot of the apple in just this one life if he wanted to. Hes very good at meditating. Teddy got up. I better go now. I dont want to be too late.

Nicholson looked up at him, and sustained the look detaining him. What would you do if you could change the educational system ? he asked ambiguously. Ever think about that at all ?

I really have to go, Teddy said.

Just answer that one question, Nicholson said. Educations my baby, actually thats what I teach. Thats why I ask.

Well... Im not too sure what Id do, Teddy said. I know Im pretty sure I wouldnt start with the things schools usually start with. He folded his arms, and reflected briefly. I think Id first just assemble all the children together and show them how to meditate. Id try to show them how to find out who they are, not just what their names are and things like that... I guess, even before that, Id get them to empty out everything their parents and everybody ever told them. I mean even if their parents just told them an elephants big, Id make them empty that out. An elephants only big when its next to something else a dog or
a lady, for example. Teddy thought another moment. I wouldnt even tell them an elephant has a trunk. I might show them an elephant, if I had one handy, but Id let them just walk up to the elephant not knowing anything more about it than the elephant knew about them. The same thing with grass, and other things. I wouldnt even tell them grass is green. Colors are only names. I mean if you tell them the grass is green, it makes them start expecting the grass to look a certain way your way instead of some other way that may be just as good, and maybe much better... I dont know. Id just make them vomit up every bit of the apple their parents and everybody made them take a bite out of.

Theres no risk youd be raising a little generation of ignoramuses ?

Why ? They wouldnt any more be ignoramuses than an elephant is. Or a bird is. Or a tree is, Teddy said. Just because something is a certain way, instead of just behaves a certain way, doesnt mean its an ignoramus.

No ?

No ! Teddy said. Besides, if they wanted to learn all that other stuff names and colors and things they could do it, if they felt like it, later on when they were older. But Id want them to begin with all the real ways of looking at things, not just the way all the other apple-eaters look at things thats what I mean. He came closer to Nicholson, and extended his hand down to him. I have to go now. Honestly. Ive enjoyed

Just one second sit down a minute, Nicholson said. Ever think you might like to do something in research when you grow up ? Medical research, or something of that kind ? It seems to me, with your mind, you might eventually

Teddy answered, but without sitting down. I thought about that once, a couple of years ago, he said. Ive talked to quite a few doctors. He shook his head. That wouldnt interest me very much. Doctors stay too right on the surface. Theyre always talking about cells and things.

Oh ? You dont attach any importance to cell structure ?

Yes, sure, I do. But doctors talk about cells as if they had such unlimited importance all by themselves. As if they didnt really belong to the person that has them. Teddy brushed back his hair from his forehead with one hand. I grew my own body, he said. Nobody else did it for me. So if I grew it, I must have known how to grow it. Unconsciously, at least. I may have lost the conscious knowledge of how to grow it sometime in the last few hundred thousand years, but the knowledge is still there, because obviously Ive used it... It would take quite a lot of meditation and emptying out to get the whole thing back I mean the conscious knowledgebut you could do it if you wanted to. If you opened up wide enough. He suddenly reached down and picked up Nicholsons right hand from the armrest. He shook it just once, cordially, and said, Goodbye. I have to go. And this time, Nicholson wasnt able to detain him, he started so quickly to make his way through the aisle.

Nicholson sat motionless for some few minutes after he left, his hands on the armrests of the chair, his unlighted cigarette still between the fingers of his left hand. Finally, he raised his right hand and used it as if to check whether his collar was still open. Then he fit his cigarette, and sat quite still again.

He smoked the cigarette down to its end, then abruptly let one foot over the side of the chair, stepped on the cigarette, got to his feet, and made his way, rather quickly, out of the aisle.

Using the forwardship stairway, he descended fairly briskly to the Promenade Deck. Without stopping there, he continued on down, still quite rapidly, to Main Deck. Then to A Deck. Then to Deck. Then to Deck. Then to D Deck.

At D Deck the forwardship stairway ended, and Nicholson stood for a moment, apparently at some loss for direction. However, he spotted someone who looked able to guide him. Halfway down the passageway, a stewardess was sitting on a chair outside a galleyway, reading a magazine and smoking a cigarette. Nicholson went down to her, consulted her briefly, thanked her, then took a few additional steps forwardship and opened a heavy metal door that read: TO THE POOL. It opened onto a narrow, un-carpeted staircase.

He was little more than halfway down the staircase when he heard an all-piercing, sustained scream clearly coming from a small, female child. It was highly acoustical, as though it were reverberating within four tiled walls.

 


1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | 32 | 33 | 34 | 35 | 36 | 37 | 38 | 39 | 40 | 41 | 42 | 43 | 44 | 45 | 46 | 47 | 48 | 49 | 50 | 51 | 52 | 53 | 54 | 55 | 56 | 57 | 58 | 59 | 60 | 61 | 62 | 63 | 64 |



. . (0.061 .)

| | c | |